Archive for December, 2011

I am truly getting ready for this new year in terms of my photography…I want to create more personal pieces that bring so much joy to my life! It’s so funny because I very rarely create light and airy self-portraits, perhaps because I tend to create them when there is something dark going on in my life that I choose to bring forth through a photo. One of my very first self-portraits I did when I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Sjogren’s syndrome. The pain was unbearable and I remember using an Emily Dickinson quote to describe it…(click on the quote below)

Pain has an element of blank; It cannot recollect When it began, or if there were A day when it was not. It has no future but itself, Its infinite realms contain Its past, enlightened to perceive New periods of pain.~Emily Dickinson

That was when my love for self-portraiture began, it was such a release to create something that validated what I was feeling. I healed myself a tiny bit that day…there were other reasons why I chose self-portraiture. Looking at other artists such as Brooke Shaden (she was just starting out), Bethy and Melanie to name a few; gave me the inspiration I needed to get over the fear of being in front of the camera. Doing this type of photography also helped me get over the fear of looking horrible in a photo. I never photographed well and so when I figured out I could make myself look the way I wanted and be happy with it, it was a win win situation. So now onto the story behind this latest sp…It has been a crazy week with the emotions related to my mom’s situation. Again I felt the need to release something…fear, frustration and the haze that was suffocating me. Hence, the name “Pulled from this Haze.” I am including the sooc photo, one middle photo and then the finished product.

I hope you all like it…comments are welcomed 😉

And just for Dennis…

Camera Nikon D700

Exposure 0.077 sec(1/13)

Aperture f/2.2

Focal length 20mm

Iso 200

Have a great Christmas Eve! ❤


I remember as a child the wonder of Christmas. Ralph and I often discuss it when the holiday comes around. How it never really feels like Christmas…how it’s so commercial and gifts often take precedence over the true meaning and this year started out the very same way. Although, this year there was a Christmas miracle in my home. For those of you who know me… know that I was raised by my grandma, who I lost in 2003 to heart disease 😥 My mom Carmen was the independent woman working very hard in a factory to provide for her children and her mother. I have always felt unconditional love for my mother but my grandma had a special place in  my heart. Once she passed, my mother became the matriarch of the family and exhibited a strength that I wasn’t sure she had. Fast forward to present time…my mom and dad were supposed to travel to Puerto Rico this week. They were to spend the holiday with family over there…a very welcomed vacation for my mom who had to deal with the death of my uncle and her brother in August. Well, my mom never made it on her vacation. Last week, she started having chest pain and made an appointment last Friday to see her cardiologist. He informed her that she had to have a stress test done on Monday and she might not be able to travel on Tuesday. On Sunday I received a frantic phone call from my dad saying that my mom had horrible chest pain and I could hear her  in the background crying. They set out for the hospital and didn’t make it…they had to pull over and flag down an ambulance. They stabilized my mom with nitroglycerin and continued their trip to the ER.  I’m not sure how many of you out there have a strong relationship with your mom or the person who is that mother figure…to see your mom on a hospital bed looking so pale can really break anyone’s heart. My training as a nurse helped me stay strong when all I wanted to do was scream how unfair it all was. My day was spent standing by my mom’s bedside thinking and hoping that everything would turn out right. I wasn’t alone…my family was there, my dad, sister Barbie, Brother Joey, sister-in-law Jomarie, Nate, Koryna, Sidney  and Ralph. She was admitted that night and had another bout of chest pain at 3am. The next morning a catheterization was scheduled. She had 3 blockages that were broken up and she didn’t need surgery. My heart just breaks every time I think what could have happened if my mom had boarded that plane with those 3 blockages. This recent event got me thinking about the true meaning of Christmas…where is Christmas? Christmas for me has got to be about the most precious thing we could have…FAMILY! Not that expensive gift that we can get or what we are wearing and where we are going. It’s about being able to hold your child, parent, significant other and friends…physically hug them and tell them just how much they mean to you. I hope that this story has stirred something inside whoever reads it…that for one second you as an adult feel the wonder of what Christmas truly is. A time to celebrate the birth of Christ and the celebration of FAMILY!

This has been a long time coming…I’ve often wondered what happened to the love I had for writing. I think It got lost along the way somehow, obscured by life and it’s ridiculousness. It feels weird that I no longer get to hold the pen in my hand and actually control and measure my thoughts. I am finding that the hands tend to move faster than my brain causing stumbling thoughts. Once I accomplish control…I believe that it will help me focus and control these wayward thoughts I find myself having constantly. For me writing and reading were very soothing activities when I was younger. It gave me an escape, a way out into a different place and it helped me cope with whatever I was dealing with at the time. I want to use this blog to share experiences, vents and my photographic journey. I hope that you can all walk alongside me…